How To Stop Watching Porn

In this blog we are going to address porn addiction and how to begin your journey in overcoming it. 20-30 years ago the only porn you could’ve got your hands on was either a magazine or “soft” porn videos that were stashed under your dad’s bed. Today at the click of a button we have access to literally millions of images of pornographic material. John Mayer once said of his porn addiction that he sees more than 300 vagina’s before getting out of bed!

The technological age has undoubtedly given us many benefits but the fallout from porn addiction surely isn’t one of those. The images that we have access to now compared to 30 years ago are of a much more violent and objectifying nature. This is where lots of boys are learning about their sexuality and how to sexually interact with women. The women on the movies are seemingly enjoying the sex which only fuels the boys minds of what they think women want.

Porn acts like any other addiction on the brain. It stimulates our dopamine and serotonin system and over time we build up a tolerance to whatever substance¬† we are using. Tolerances means we need bigger and bigger shots of porn to get the same effect/arousal. So what starts off as an innocent surfing on the internet ends in hours of searching for the “perfect” video that will satiate our insatiable porn appetite.

I once experienced the pull of internet porn and just how addictive it can be. My partner at the time went away and I was left with lots of free time and a free house. My porn usage spiralled out of control to the point that I was cancelling meeting up with friends and missing meals. My searches followed the path I spoke about above until I was watching videos that I thought I’d never watch, one’s of quite a perverse and voyeuristic nature.

Thankfully when my partner got back I had more structure in my life again and the shame of getting caught with my pants down was strong enough the reign me back in. Another addictive behaviour with porn use is the covering up of your tracks. Most porn users have a deep shame connected with internet porn use and they’ll do anything to not get caught. Deleting history, lying to their partner, and generally deceitful actions are common place. Resentment and lack of trust can begin to creep into relationships if you are caught out once too often.

So what are the other consequences of internet porn use? Along with the overstimulation with the porn comes under stimulation in your real life relationships. You might notice that you just don’t get that turned on by your partner anymore so you begin to encourage them to ramp up their game in the bedroom. You might subject them to more and more objectifying acts. Just because you see men ejaculate on women’s faces in porn movies doesn’t they are going to like it in real life! Anal sex is common place in porn but again not all women scream with delight when men attempt it in the bedroom – scream in pain is probably a bit closer to the truth.

Erectile dysfunction can ensue along with a bruised ego. The average size of a man’s penis in porn is 7inches while the average for us mere mortals is 5.5inches. Watching porn can lead to a lifetime of insecurities in both your sexual performance and what lays in your pants.

So how do we overcome this rather new addiction of the technological age? Just prior to you surfing porn on the net, just stop and notice what’s going on for you. Are you feeling bored or frustrated? Maybe your partner has just rejected your advances for sex. As humans we use all sorts of ways to distract ourselves from physical, mental/emotional, relational and social pain. By stopping just prior to use we might notice a pattern with our attempts to numb out from our pain.

Secondly we might begin to humanize the women in porn. The objectifying nature of porn allows us the treat women as objects. If we begin to attach thoughts, feelings, sensations and a life story to the actors then we will no longer get so turned on by their seeming enjoyment.

Lastly I would highly recommend talking to someone about your porn addiction. This will bring it out of the shadows and begin to release its grip on you. Find someone who will be able to empathise without enabling or shaming you further for your addiction. There are female friendly porn sites that show videos of a sexual nature that don’t transgress the boundaries of women.

For more advise on all things men check out the FAQ videos and other blogs. You’ll also be able to download my free e-book “The 4 essential practices of healthy men”. which contains information and practice to help you begin your journey to freedom.

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