The One, Little Known, Mistake Men Are Making That WILL Lead To Divorce

From Boys to Men (or maybe not)!!

Emotional Baggage is something we often associate with an ex-girlfriend or even our current partner. You know, the loony one, who used to go crazy when we did or said something that triggered her.

Well I have news for you, we all have it, to some degree or another, and the less you know about it the more chance it has to destroy your marriage.

You just do a great job of hiding your emotional baggage by blaming your partner for your reactivity.

Let me explain…

When I talk about emotional baggage, I mean it in the sense of a psycho / emotional impression that is imprinted on us in our childhood.

We experience an event or situation in our childhood that wounds us in some way, and leaves us with a memory, story, and / or belief that we carry with us for the rest of our lives.

This impression lays dormant until a similar event happens in adulthood occurs and the imprint will be agitated, and become active again (if you think of the metaphor of a volcano, you’ll be on the right track because they can often lay dormant for years, then suddenly out of nowhere, they can blow their top).

No one pushes our buttons quite like our intimate partner, and we can see this, in one of two ways:

  1. As a huge annoyance.

Or…

  1. As an opportunity for growth.

We choose our partner based on what needs healing inside of us. Let me say that in layman’s terms – Your partner is there to help you heal your emotional baggage.

So you can run from one relationship to the next, blaming your partners for their shortcoming, but guess what? There’s one common denominator in all of your failed / failing relationships – YOU!!

So what might your actions look like in your relationship when these imprints become active?

  • Shutting down from your partner.
  • Pulling away from your partner.
  • Acting in ways to spite your partner.
  • Withdrawal (physically, mentally and / or emotionally)
  • Becoming aggressive and hostile towards your partner.
  • Disassociating from the situation.
  • Attacking your partner.
  • Blaming and make your partner wrong.
  • Defending or justifying your position.

In short, you will have an exaggerated response to their actions or inactions.

All of the actions above are driven by what I term as “boy psychology”

This is where, depending on the age the impression (emotional baggage) was formed, your boyhood self begins to dictate your actions. In other words, you become childish.

Not a good director in the movie of intimate relationship.

Regular bouts of the above actions will begin to erode any kind of trust that you have formed in your relationship. Resentment, on both sides, will begin to grow with contempt surfacing if things are not worked through skilfully.

Thus begins the disintegration of a marriage…

Shedding Boy Psychology

If you are to avoid divorce, you will need to have a good understanding of your emotional baggage and what causes you to slip into boy psychology.

In those situations, where you feel most triggered, turn your attention away from your partner, and towards yourself, and ask “what button is being pushed inside me right now”? “Why am I being so reactive”? “Is this a familiar pattern for me”?

Be your own whistle-blower, and call yourself out when you feel yourself slipping into the grips of the wounded little boy. This can be done with practice and will take you to another level of intimacy in your relationship and ability to create intimacy.

A skilful coach or a good therapist is a great place to start your journey towards embodying a more mature version of yourself.

Man Up specialises in all aspects of men’s relational health and well-being, and has created different services designed to assist men towards relational success.

We are dedicated to assisting men on their journey towards a more complete and integrated version of masculinity by improving their physical, mental / emotional, relational, and systems health.

At Man Up we view health from a unique and multi-faceted perspective which ensures robust and sustainable results. Our approach encourages men to build capacities that will help them increase their effectiveness in their relationship, and all areas of their life.

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