4 Key Principles Of A Successful Relationship (Part 3)

Part 3 of this blog is coming soon where we look at the second principle of relational success – The Mind and Emotions

Part 3

In Part 3 of this blog we will take a look at the last “inner” principle of a successful relationship.

Key Principle No 2

The Mind and Emotions

When I talk about the Mind and Emotions it includes all of the following:

  • Our Thoughts.
  • Our Inner Critic.
  • Our Worldview.
  • Mindset (Victim or Creator)
  • Childhood Wounds or Emotional Baggage.
  • Our personal experience of events and situations in our life.
  • Self Esteem.

This principle can also be referred to as our inner subjective realm. You can’t see or touch this aspect of ourselves but it does carry an enormous amount of weight in our ability to be successful in our relationship.

If you don’t believe me then consider that:

  • If our mindset is geared towards being The Victim, and you have a “woes is me” storyline running constantly in the background, then finding, and maintaining a successful relationship will be almost impossible.
  • If you have a belief that “big boys don’t cry”, then you’ll be sitting on a lifetime of grief, which will negatively impact your ability to be there when your partner grieves.
  • If you repress, hide, and deny your emotional world, then your ability to connect with your partner will be severely diminished, and you’ll miss out on such a rich aspect of your life.
  • If you don’t have the ability to be present (all of your focus and attention on the present moment), then how can you expect to make your partner feel seen, heard, and cherished?
  • If you have a different worldview to your partner, then unresolvable conflict will be a regular occurrence in your relationship.
  • If your “inner critic” has a front row seat in your psyche, then you’ll be crippled by shame, which will often lead to apathy and depression. Not a great mix for a successful relationship.
  • If you are prone to becoming reactive to certain things your partner says or does, then chances are your emotional baggage is getting activated and your wounded little boy is beginning to run the show. Boy psychology leads to separation and divorce, and a messy one at that!
  • It’s estimated that 10% of the world population has a personality disorder, which will seriously impact your relationship (whether it’s you or your wife that has a personality disorder).

All of these symptoms will have a direct impact on your ability to build a successful relationship.

Our world places some unforgiving restrictions upon men when it comes to the avenues of personal growth and development, which has seriously stunted their growth in this area.

58% of people don’t possess the psychological maturity to deal with the complexity of their life

Couple that together with:

Most gender experts agree that Men are some 50 years behind women in their psychological development.

…and this gulf is no more evident than in intimate relationship.

…which will probably explain why:

66% of divorces are initiated by women.

Intimate relationship is where lots of men come unstuck. They get found out. They may be brilliant at making money, setting up businesses, creating systems, and processes, but when it comes to the key principles of intimate relationship, the softer skills like the ones above in bullet points, they are literally in over their heads.

So how do you improve your Mental and Emotional Health

Here are some of the key practices that we teach our clients:

  • Mindfulness (teaches a man how to be present)
  • Emotional Intelligence / Intimacy (teaches a man to express his emotions in mature ways)
  • Mindset shifts (from Victim to Creator)
  • Identifying key Emotional Baggage issues (where is your wounded little boy running the show)
  • Work to evict the Inner Critic (working with that inner voice that likes to commentate on our shortcomings)
  • Identifying, and aligning a, man with his core Values.
  • Identify any underlying limiting beliefs that are not aligned with who he wants to become.

Men need to take a stand, and begin to explore this principle / aspect of their lives, and we all need to support them. Ignoring this aspect will ultimately lead the downfall of you, and those around you.

In Part 4 of this blog we will dive into the 3rd principle of relational success. The Relational and Cultural Principle.

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